artwork courtesy of Jeremy Collins
I have been riding a roller coaster of sorts the last few months. Life has had some wild ups and downs, and through it all I have become certain of one thing: I am broken.
I don’t mean “broken” in the churchy sense that I am a sinful being in need of redemption, as we all are (although this is important to know). By “broken” I mean I am completely stripped away, nothing left to stand on, crawling on hands and knees, sobbing at the feet of the Lord and begging for grace. And it is good.
Before you go running to get me a Zoloft prescription, understand that I am not wallowing in depression. I know life is still beautiful, and great things are in store. Nonetheless, many of the things that I thought were in store and the plans that I had have been ripped away. I subsist in the hope and the prayer that this is to make way for His plans, things greater than I can imagine.
Its not as though I’m a passive participant in all of this. I have myself taken many of the actions that have led me to this place, although perhaps unwittingly. All I have known are the little inklings, breadcrumbs if you will, that I clumsily follow along, and in the process I’ve made countless mistakes, but that is part of the journey.
We all have times of brokenness in our lives, and I think we need them. In the book of Job God destroyed everything in Job’s life, everything he had to rely on but Him. This was not to beat his chest and demonstrate his omnipotence, but rather for Job’s own sake so that he could see with full clarity where to place his trust and seek strength.
I pray that the lessons from this time, though hard, will be lasting, and that like Job I come out of it with a renewed clarity of purpose (although admittedly it would be nice not to have my entire family killed and my body covered in boils like Job). I pray also that in times of brokenness you will look to the One who is Love, and seek and rest in him with earnest.
